Ever have one of those days when you come crawling back to the feet of God out of desperation, not because you need or want something, but because you realize how you can't live without Him? Yah, I definitely had that kind of morning. I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep, so I decided it might be a good time to journal and spend some time in the Word. It had actually been awhile since I had the opportunity - no, since I chose to create an opportunity to just sit and be with my Maker. As usual, after a time period of allowing life to get the best of me and losing sight of priorities, I had a sense of almost reluctancey to start anew. I don't know if this ever happens to you, but when I don't walk hand in hand with Jesus every day, I tend to wander off into some distant part of another forest where the light becomes dimmer with each step,and I am thinking all the while how incredibly capable I am on my own. Then when I realize how lost I have become and how critical it is for me to come home, a huge wave of shame overwhelms me and my feet become lead weights as I turn around and try to head back. Well, I sat down this morning in my favorite chair and took as much time as I could writing about what has been happening to and around me these past few weeks. Finally, when I could barely feel my fingers any longer, I decided it was probably time to go ahead and talk to Him. He had been waiting long enough...so I started with a simple prayer. I said, "Father, I am so sorry that you have not been my first love these past few weeks. I have realized that I can't do life without you, that I need you every single moment of every single day. But I am scared. I am scared that you don't love me as much as you used to in Africa. Will you use your Word to tell me otherwise. I need your truth this morning." And immediately, I opened my Bible to the Daily Bread devotion of the day: 1 John 3:16-23. However, it was verses 19-20 that pretty much turned my world upside down. It reads,

"This then is how we know that we belong to the Truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything."

Wait a minute...so what You're saying is that when my heart tells me I am not good enough, or that I have fallen too far off the deep end to ever even think about breathing fresh air again, that it is wrong? Is it possible  that You are greater than my deepest fears and my darkest stains. Could it be that no matter what lies the enemy tries and whispers in my ear, Your truth is still the only truth? What a revolutionary concept!

See, it is not God who condemns us or turns us away when we have sinned, but it is our own disbelieving spirit. We forget that thousands of years ago, Jesus Christ came not just to take our transgressions but to forever annihilate our shame as well. So no matter how far you have strayed- 1 step or a 1000, His love covers a million more. Be encouraged today, friends, and find the courage to turn back. I promise you it will be worth it. Like the Parable of the Prodigal Son, before you can even get the words of apology out of your mouth, the Father will be weeping over you with joy at your return. You are a CHILD of the Kingdom, it is time to come back and take your place. I did, and I am loving it :)

Always,
A Hungry Heart

Well...it has certainly been awhile, hasn't it, friends? To be honest, I don't really have an adequate excuse for being so flaky with updating this blog. While I was in Africa, I came up with all sorts of reasons why I couldn't find time to sit down at a computer and simply bring thoughts to life...or at least to keep a tangible memory of the craziness in my brain before it all flew out the window. I use to tell myself that there was no time - I was too busy being the hands and feet of God rather than the thinker or the processor. Another lame cop out was that the internet connection over there just did not allow for adequate writing, and I could, no I SHOULD be doing other things with the minutes that were ticking away from me. Now that I am back in the states, I tell myself that it is dumb to continue a missionary blog when I am no longer on a "missionary trip". How silly I have been!

All of those excuses were scooped up and thrown out recently when a good friend of mine reminded me that a "mission" is not defined by how far away from home I travel; rather, it is a devine assignment sent from a God that views every square inch of this beautiful Earth as His Kingdom. I was looking at things from the wrong perspective because I had forgotten a key thing: an eye is not more important than a hand nor a hand more important than a foot. There is such need for a share of ideas, a reminiscing of memories, an inspirational story, or even a place to dish out the hard questions that we encounter in every day situations, and what better place to do it then through a blog that was inspired by a trip filled with all of those things?!

So firstly, I want to apologize for not keeping you all as updated as I could have while I was away. To recap as quickly as I can for right now- Africa was the most amazing experience of my life. Yes, I got malaria, typhoid, a parasite, and liver issues. Yes, I have about a billion scars from all of my random bug bites. And yes, there were certainly extremely difficult situations on my DTS that both challenged me and changed me. But no, I do not regret any of it, and if I got the chance, I would go back and relive it a 1000 times over. There is nothing like having the opportunity to live a dream God has put inside you, and to walk away completely transformed for the better.

As wonderful as Africa was, though, it is time to move on to a new chapter of my life. Yet another section in this amazing adventure has commenced. I will never, ever forget the things that I have learned, the people I have met, the gifts I have both given and received, or the experience that I have gained while I was in Kenya. I couldn't if I tried...it is a part of me. Africa is a part of me. But, I am ready to face a different kind of mission field - my home field. As much as God called me to another continent a few months ago, He is calling me to this one today, and I am so excited to see where we are going now. To update, I am feeling 1000000x better physically since being back and being able to get the right medication. My typhoid, malaria, and parasite friends are gone forever! No hard feelings :). However, I am dealing with a few liver problems, but nothing to be too concerned about. Just please continue to pray for complete healing and restoration of my body. As far as emotionally, things have been a little difficult since being home if I am to be completely honest with you. There are times when I am lonely...when I so miss the excitement of going out and serving a community of people I have fallen in love with...or the when I miss the silence of the African bush during my devotions...or when I miss the encouraging words of my girls who are gifts sent from God. But it gets easier with each passing day, and I am learning to find the beauty in the home around me...there is joy in the laughter at my dinner table as my family sits and chats every night...there is love when my friends here at home hug me and tell me they are so happy to have me back...and there is ministry on every street corner staring me boldly in the face. It is a new kind of excitement, and I am learning very quickly how to enjoy it.

Finally, I want to say thank you! Thank you to all of you who take time to read my story, to be a part of my life in one very meaningful way. You may not realize it, but knowing there is someone on the other end of this blog reading all that I have to say makes my heart even lighter and means so much to me. This is going to be fun...my life is full of so many absolutely comical instances that I am sure to keep you entertained. But it is going to be real as well. It is going to be a document of what I perceive missions to be now, and to me MISSIONS = LIFE.

So keep checking in! You never know what God can do with a little bit of time and through a willing heart. I am willing to find out at least :)