The start of a different kind of journey

As a good friend of mine likes to say, "wisdom can be found anywhere". I discovered my piece of sound advice this week from a television show that my family and I watch devotedly every Thursday. Miranda. Bailey on Grey's Anatomy was talking to her boss, Webber, about the issue that was sitting heavy on her heart. She was explaining how her son just had his first day of kindergarten and she recounted the events that shook her spirit.

With her hand tightly clutched around his, she led him into the playground and watched as he took in the sights and sounds around him. As a mother, she expected - and rather hoped- that her tiny 5 year old would cling to her tightly, savoring the last few moments they had together before a new milestone was reached. She was crushed when instead, he took off running into the throng of excited children without as little as a glance backward. The sense of loss was crushing and she couldn't quite believe how so much can change in such a short period of time. 

When Bailey finished her explanation, Webber looked directly at her and said, "You know what happens when someone who has been holding your hand for awhile finally lets go?" Her eyes began to well as she shook her head. "You get your hand back."

Much like Miranda, I have been feeling such a sense of loss and loneliness lately, and at first I couldn't figure out why. Then, after much reflection, I realized what it is: Africa is finally catching up to me, and I can no longer "busy my way out".

When I first got home in February, I threw myself into different activities - starting work, getting registered for school, taking summer classes, catching up with friends, spending time with family, dealing with relationship issues, etc. I never stopped to reflect on what I had just experienced and how it has changed me as a person. Part of me, to be honest, never wanted to stop and look back. It hurt too much. It still hurts too much. But I am realizing now, thanks to some very kind and patient friends and family, that I HAVE to look back. It is the only way I can heal, and the only way I can stop looking at my life now in comparison to the way it was back then. I need to let it go. I need to get my hand back.

So here goes, friends. Prepare for a lot of new posts. I have much to figure out and writing helps me do that :) You help me do that :)

Always,
A Hungry Heart